The Stigma of Suicide

Note: This article by Margaret Brophy originally appeared in the Summer 2010 issue of the Aware magazine. Our email newsletter regularly shares articles from the magazine - to sign up, just enter your email address here. You can subscribe to the Aware magazine in our Online Store.


I find that there is still a huge stigma attached to suicide. Too many people still wonder what is the attitude of the Catholic Church to suicide. I was interested therefore in an article which appeared in the February 2010 edition of the Furrow magazine, a Catholic theological journal, about this very subject. It was written by Fr. Brendan McManus S.J., a Jesuit priest.

Three years earlier his brother Donal, a brilliant Ph.D. graduate who suffered with depression, was found dead in the family farmhouse, having taken his own life. Fr. Brendan was so devastated by the event that it had taken him three years to attempt writing about the experience. This is how his article started: “I was barely in the door when my sister hit me with the question that everyone was thinking, ‘Is my brother in hell?’” He said he was so shocked by the immediacy of the event and the question, that all his training as a priest deserted him. “I had to go off and consult with some Jesuit friends and theology books and then examine my own heart on it before it became clear to me that Donal was not in hell, he was with Christ and at peace.

“It seems so obvious now but why, at the time, was there such stigmatisation, rushing to judgement, and such a deep-seated, negative image of God portrayed through this tragic suicide.” He was rocked to his foundations.

Later he was shocked that when he was preparing for the funeral Mass, one of the best books for funeral liturgies had no liturgies for suicide victims. He was encouraged however that in the New Catechism of the Catholic Church, the authoritative book on the teaching of the Church, he found this statement. “Grave psychological disturbances, or grave fear of hardship, suffering or torture can diminish the responsibility of the one committing suicide. We should not despair of the eternal salvation of persons who have taken their own lives.” In the case of his own brother he said, “The role of depression so obvious in the case of my brother was clearly the reason and cause for this self destructive act that clearly reduced his responsibility and therefore the implication of serious sin.” A very consoling statement I think for those of us concerned about suicide being a grave sin. The New Catechism, when talking about suicide, shows a compassionate God concerned about the person involved in the suicide and treats him in a gentler way then if he was a completely well person.

At the end of the article Fr. Brendan gives a summary of the hard-won insights he gathered in the immediate years following the suicide. These helped him and his family survive the experience of Donal’s death. He made sixteen points in all. Amongst these points, what stood out for me were the following:

1. The grief process brings one to very dark places of disorganisation and despair, necessary for one’s healing; it is not a fixed linear process, but very individual and everyone needs to find their supports, their own pace and their own way through it.

2. People often find it difficult to accept help from those who haven’t experienced suicide themselves; a suicide support bereaved group can help with providing a safe space, mutual support and role models for how to survive the process.

3. The most difficult thing is trying to understand ‘Why’. The nature of the death leads to asking – What was he going through that caused this? Searching for clues can become an obsession, talking to people and even reading books in it, but eventually one has to ‘let go and let God’ - i.e. acceptance and forgiveness.

4. It is a very positive thing to see the body after the suicide. It helps to accept the reality and is a one off opportunity that needs to be greatly encouraged.

5. The funeral service and how it is done is an important part of the healing. It is a good way to express grief and to get support. It provides meaning for this senseless act. It is good to acknowledge that it was suicide, that the person was good, yet without idealising suicide.

6. Within families the temptation is not to discuss the death, however communication is the key to healthy adaptation and it often draws families closer together. It is important to respect that different people grieve in different ways and at different times.

I hope you, the reader, find these insights helpful either for yourself or to pass on to friends or family. Suicide is something we’d all rather not think about but sadly for many it becomes an unwelcome visitor to disturb our lives.


Fr. McManus' article originally appeared in The Furrow, which is available through bookshops including Veritas and Cathedral Books in Dublin. In his original piece, Fr. McManus also recommends the suicide bereavement group Console and the book A Special Scar - The Experience of People Bereaved, by Alison Wertheiner.

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