My name is Gemma and I am a proud Mam to two beautiful little boys aged 2 and 7 months. I wrote this poem not long after my second baby was born towards the end of 2023. I had my first baby in March 2022 and when he was 6 months old I was diagnosed with postnatal depression. I found it very difficult at the time and felt very vulnerable and unable to talk about it out loud to anyone except to my husband and GP. Speaking to my GP was the catalyst I needed for external support outside of my family unit and meant that I sought support very early during my second pregnancy.
I have always been able to communicate better through words and when I wrote this poem, I shared it with a baby massage group. Mental health is discussed as part of one of the weeks sessions. It seemed to resonate with a lot of other mothers and my hope would be that it might help another Mam, couple, or parent, to seek the support that is needed and deserved at what can be a very challenging, vulnerable and difficult chapter of life.
Poem
I was crying again. And I didn’t know why. As I looked down at the floor at my perfect little boy.
And he smiled and I smiled at his gorgeous little self. I’ll put on the kettle. Coffee will help.
It did but only for a time. Before once again the tears came a flying. It’s been 6 months and my tears were as fresh as could be.
I started to wonder. Could this be PND? But I didn’t want it to be. Not I not me…
The stigma is still there as heavy as could be. It wasn’t just tears there were thoughts there too that I would fall and something would happen to you… I kept pushing and pushing hoping it would go away. Until I made it into the doctor one day.
How are you he asked. The reply filled with tears. Then he spoke the words that answered my fears.
I won’t ever forget that GP session. “Have you heard of the term postnatal depression?” I left that room ten times lighter and since then my days have been so much brighter.
The lessons I’ve learned since becoming a mam have taught me so much about who I am. I am stronger and happier than I ever have been and I’m so glad I got help, was supported and seen.
I will always be grateful for my husband. Your dad. He knew there were more reasons for me feeling sad. He helped me to be brave and to rise above. So that I could clear the fog and do what I do best, that’s love.
No matter how I felt my love it was strong for you my son and my son to come. And I hope that one day if your mind feels not right that you’ll come to us to help with the fight because these times that I went through weren’t for no reason. It was so that I could love you more throughout every season and be capable to help you if times ever get tough.
My boys. I forever will be glad that I get to be your mother. The best job I have had.